


Malcan Parodys

by Saita_the_Kirin



Category: Total Drama (Cartoon), どうぶつの森 | Animal Crossing Series
Genre: Humor, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Other, Parody, This Is STUPID
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:41:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23371858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saita_the_Kirin/pseuds/Saita_the_Kirin
Summary: This will serve as a place to post my one off parodys as not to clog up my upload page. New/old parodys shall be posted to this, none of them having any cannon in any of my other stories.Also! I shall be taking parody requests! If you got a funny/stupid idea you want to see being made into a MalxDuncan or others based parody feel free to hit me up!
Relationships: Duncan/Mal (Total Drama)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Donut Run is a current post I already have up so you can skip to the next chapter for a new story!

Hey folks! Sorry about a blank chapter here, I'll add onto it more about requests and stuff later but I can't start posting chapter names until the second one so meh!

Please continue onto the second chapter (Dount Run) then to the one after that which will be new from then onwards!


	2. Donut Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mal drags Duncan out of bed for a stupid joke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I shall be reposting this story here because it belongs in the parody story. Onwards as started before shall be more parodys are I write them!

Duncan yawned loudly and slumped back a little in the leather seat of Mal's mustang. The mother fucker had literally dragged him out of bed by the ankle and didn't even have the courtesy to even wake him up first.

"The fuck do you even want at this hour?" It wasn't even morning yet by Duncan's standards. Whenever he glanced at the clock he found it too blindingly bright to even see when squinting so he said fuck it to that. Mal sat back in the driver's seat, one arm casually steering with his hair slicked back, bug eyed aviators despite the fact that it was pitch black out and hands down the most douchebag esk white wife beater shirt he owned while a cigarette rested casually in his lips. The asshole didn't even bother to offer Duncan one as he drove them down this long ass road into the dead ass town located smack dab in the middle of bum fuck nowhere.

"You'll see baby." A casual grin split his face, it looked more dark and menacing on his face but who really cares? Duncan considered rolling over and going back to sleep but Mal being the asshole that he was would break check his face into the windshield with the excuse of 'I saw a squirrel'. Duncan might have believed it if it wasn't for Mal's little habit of going out of his way to run the little guys over. Something about them being dumb enough to cross the street while he was driving meant that they of course wanted to die. He even crossed into the wrong lane, up the sidewalk and over some poor little girl to get that one squirrel who apparently looked at him funny.

Of course people in this town were too terrified to do anything about it so he got off scott free. After some time Mal swerved hard into an empty parking lot sending Duncan crashing into the door because the dumbass wasn't smart enough to put on his damn seat belt like any other person in the country. With his head ringing he climbed out of the car and finally looked up to see just where the hell he was.

"It's… a donut shop?" Mal wrapped an arm around Duncan's waist and pulled him through the doors. Standing at the counter was some skinny teenager who's zits could be used as a road map. The teen flinched in terror as Mal strutted up to the counter like a king followed by Duncan who looked like the next step he took would have him drop dead from the exertion.

Mal ordered a box of glaze donuts right off the line and a couple coffees, his tone made it clear that if the donuts weren't right off the line like he ordered that he would drown the poor bastard in a bucket full of glaze. With hands shaking hard enough that some of the scalding hot coffee splashed on the counter and his hands the terrified teenager handed Mal his order with a shaky smile. "Thank you for choosing Dunkin Donuts, this batch is on the house!" With a quiver in his voice.

Mal sat down at the table annoyed with how much coffee was wasted and casually ate a donut. After a few minutes and sips of scalding coffee Duncan woke up and was able to think faster than a potato he finally thought to ask "so you dragged me out of bed just to take me to a Dunkin Donuts?" Mal smirked at him and shook his head, "No babe, it's a Duncan Donuts."

They sat there in silence for a stupidly long amount of time just eating and drinking before Duncan paused and glared at Mal. "Are you serious? You woke me up at the butt crack of dawn just so you could make a joke?" "No. I woke you up at the butt crack of dawn to take you to a coffee shop so I could make a joke and fuck your ass in public. Get up and bend over." Mal stood up and swept all the food and now cold drinks onto the floor before grabbing Duncan and throwing him down onto the table.

What followed was an hour of loud as fuck butt sex in front of the poor teenager who was both too scared to move and not paid enough to deal with this shit.


	3. It Smelled Like Flowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mal takes Duncan out on a date in a field of flowers.

The wind blew gently in the massive flower field that Duncan found himself sitting in. The breeze carried the collective smells of the flowers that he wouldn't know individually because he wasn't a fucking florist. All he knew was that some were yellow, some were red, some were pink and that they smelled good.

It would have been boringly peaceful if it wasn't for the fact that Mal had just literally destroyed his ass in the back of that red mustang he liked so much. Why he drove them out to this remote flower field he didn't know, the fucker liked to be _mysterious_ , in truth he was just a bastard who either did things spur of the moment or just liked making Duncan squirm.

Duncan himself had long since moved past being annoyed or freaked out by this. Mal had chosen him out of everyone by some stupidly bad luck on Duncan's part. He was out doing some shopping when he turned around in time to avoid a gallon of milk that had been carelessly tossed his way by Mal who was tossing them all out as he looked for the best one. He didn't know it was Mal, the city's notorious psychopath and screamed for the jackass to watch what the fuck he was doing.

This of course got Mal's attention and instead of killing Duncan for showing such disrespect, he decided that the poor bastard was his type and led to his sick idea of dating. Duncan went along with it because he didn't have anything better to do at the time. This led to their current situation. Duncan was sitting out in the flower field just watching his life go by him and seeing if he would see things in the clouds. That one looked like a cloud. So did that one… Duncan wasn't a very creative person.

Mal was dicking around with something back in the car which gave Duncan time to reflect on all the bad choices he's ever made in his life. Had he been a smarter man he probably would have thought to ask what the crazy bastard was doing behind him but the idea never occurred to him because he was a fucking idiot a lot of the time.

"Oh sweetheart." Mal called out in that sickly sweet way that would make babies cry and sugar turn to salt. "What?" Duncan knew better than to comment on that tone of his unless he wanted Mal to choke him with his dick as his way of gagging him for being rude. "I was just wondering what you were doing." What sort of a question was that supposed to be? "Sitting on my ass and smelling the flowers. Why?"

Mal chuckled in that way that Duncan knew meant that the jackass did something and he was just waiting for Duncan to notice. "What do they smell like?" Duncan wanted to tell the human shaped monster to just bend over and take a whiff for himself as his face twisted into that 'seriously?' Look before he answered. "They smell like flowers." Mal chuckled again before coughing a little. Why was the bastard coughing? "I'd check again if I were you."

Duncan snorted before taking an over exaggerated sniff of a particularly ugly flower that was in front of him. It was weird, it almost smelled like "smoke?" Something clicked in Duncan's head as he finally turned around to face Mal and the massive fire that was starting to consume the field behind him.

"What did it smell like?" Mal wore a grin that he knew even Satan would shy away from as the fire began to spread rapidly in the field, well away from his precious car. "Well it did smell like flowers but I think I want to go home now." Mal made a sweeping gesture towards the car as he held the door open for Duncan. Duncan practically jumped into the car, whereas Mal took a leisurely stroll over to his side well aware of the fire that was getting closer.

Once he was buckled in, the engine roared as he tore out of the field and drove away while everything burned behind him like some shitty action movie no one went to see as Mal cackled like an insane over the top movie villain would do.


	4. Killage Village

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I got my buddy into playing Animal Crossing New Leaf and we had so much fun just taking the utter piss out of it XD
> 
> ~Enjoy

Duncan slept rather peacefully on the train ride to the new town he was moving to. The last town was pretty cool up until the mayor went totally bat shit crazy and started enacting ordinances that were questionable at the best of times, and down right fucking crazy at the worst.

Crazy how you ask? Well shit, I may as well type this out because you're all a bunch of curious assholes that just have to know all the shit that goes down in a story, don't you? Fine, fucksake. Get off my back already.

Once upon a time; cannibalism. It was cannibalism.

All caught up now? Good, I can't be fucked to write out the whole story.

Duncan was pretty grumpy when that insanely annoying cat started questioning him over stupid shit like his personality, his gender, why he was moving, stupid things that he didn't think he should have to explain to anyone. Said cat learned very quickly that harassing Duncan when he was trying to take a nap was a bad idea because he was currently sitting as far away from him as possible with an ice pack pressed to his swollen cheek. An ice pack that he had pulled out of fucking no where.

Duncan could never figure out how to do that for himself so he had to lug around a bunch of shit on his back or have his pockets frequently rip from whenever he tried to shove one of the massive gold coins in his pockets.

Whatever. Duncan didn't care as long as he didn't have to deal with the crazy assholes from his last town. One asshole was that fat raccoon that demanded a ton of bells just so he could get a tent to sleep in. Sure, he knew that the bastard was a 'tanuki' but once it was explained that he was a raccoon dog he felt like even more of his time had been wasted.

He looked out the window as the scenery rushed by him. None of it was interesting in the slightest but at least it was something to look at. He had to admit it was a better sight than the back of the seat that he found himself slamming into face first into. He glared at the creepy creature driving the train but he only received a disinterested shrug in return. "Ye' punched that poor guy over there, didn't see a reason not to return the favor. Now get off of me' train."

With that he was tossed out on his ass with his bags thrown out after him. He looked back in time to see Rover the cat flipping him a super pixelated version of the finger which was weird because his hand was just a rounded nub at the end of his arm. As some gruesome farewell of his last town the train doors slammed shut on Tom's left arm leaving the severed limb on the ground right at the gates, scaring the shit out of the poor train station attendant.

Duncan decided that this of course wasn't his problem so he just walked out without a care or a bell to his name. Surely this was a town that he could settle down in right? From the blue, blood stained flag that was probably a shirt at one point, all signs pointed to no.

The first thing Duncan saw when stepping out of the station was a bunch of dead trees. It was like some malicious wind had come along and stripped certain trees of all its leaves, at the bases of the stumps were a couple of apples, some of them were gorgeous mouth watering ripe apples while others were these rotten, ant infested apples that would make him sick if he ate them. Other than that he didn't see much in the way of things here aside from a few houses.

This didn't seem to ring any alarm bells in Duncan's head as he started his stroll further into the new town. All things considered it was surprisingly quiet… that was up until he walked by a severed head on a spike next to a plain yellow bench. Despite his turning stomach he ventured closer to read a plack that was at the base of the spike.

_By decree of the mayor, anyone caught putting their chewed gum on any bench in the town shall be punished accordingly._

Apparently the punishment was decapitation.

Great…

Welp… still better than his last town.

Since the rotten smell severed octopus's head with overly large X's over the eyes was starting to get to him, Duncan left the bench behind with the knowledge that he would never sit on that bench. Well he may as well go and find out what he needs to get settled down in this new town.

His first stop was at the mayor's office, I mean why wouldn't he go there first? He stepped into the office to find no one was in there. Since he was already here he may as well loot the place. As soon as he reached to take the small bell from the table, a mumbling caught his attention. Looking over the desk he could see a lady curled up on the floor holding a simple slingshot.

When she noticed Duncan looking down at her it was like a switch was flipped and she went from mumbling and curled up to standing, peppy and unnervingly alert as she stared unblinkingly into his very soul. "Hello sir! Welcome to the town of Killage! We look forward to taking all of your money and spending it on public projects that will serve to enrich and improve our lovely town! Make sure to do your part and pull up any weeds, dead trees or rotten apples you might see!"

Her face turned an alarming shade of blue as her voice squeaked and cracked from trying to say all of that in one breath. Duncan didn't catch even half of what she said and since he was a lazy bastard he didn't bother to ask her to repeat herself. "I'm looking to move in-" "GREAT SIR! THE MAYOR ISN'T IN RIGHT NOW! SPEAK TO THE HOUSING OFFICE JUST PAST THE TRAIN TRACKS! HAVE A NICE DAY!" She then collapsed to the ground and resumed her mumbling, her sanity clearly broken beyond repair.

Duncan walked out of the office and back up towards the train tracks where he knew the housing market would be. This probably should have been his first stop but Duncan was a dumbass who decided a short walk was more important than actually having a place to live before it got too dark to do anything about it.

Once he walked into the office his eyes landed on the fat raccoon thing standing in the middle of the show room. Once they're eyes met the sparks immediately started flying "Nook. What the hell are you doing here? I thought you were stuck back in that disgusting town."

Nook snickered under his breath before smiling with his non existent mouth with a greedy looking little gleam in his eye (how the fuck did he do that?) "Duncan! Good to see you didn't end up in a stew pot. I'm assuming you're the newest resident of this," he took a long pause as a thought bubble with three dots appeared above his head, "town." After all that the bastard couldn't even come up with something nice to say after the drawn out pause.

"So, you want a home. Well I can help you for sure!" Nook's tone turned sickly sweet as his eyes sparkled "after crunching the numbers and adding in all those fees you owe me from the last house you abandoned when you skipped town… your total comes up to a measly 50,000 bells."

Duncan frowned at the number given but he wasn't smart enough to remember he only pay 2,000 bells for his last house because Nook was so desperate to sell any plot of land in the cannibal town. After a minute Duncan shrugged and shook the tanuki's outstretched hand, paw, whatever the hell he called it.

Nook looked pleased with himself as he ripped Duncan off. "By the way, the mayor of the town has put in an ordinance that any new resident must have his personal approval of where you place your house otherwise he'll burn it down." The bastard said this with a completely straight face, no hint of humor in his voice, not that Duncan actually picked up on any of this.

Duncan walked out of the office with a new map with the mayor's house circled with a note attached that read, 'Don't piss him off, you owe me a lot of money.' By some miracle, Duncan finally caught a hint that something actually might be wrong with the mayor. As he walked through the town he couldn't help but notice that no one was actually out and walking despite it still being daylight hours…

What the fuck?

It was like he just blinked and suddenly it was night time… and winter. Bloody hell it was just summer time! He shivered and made an all out sprint for the first building he could find to get out of the almost bitter cold. The house he practically threw himself inside and all but crashed into the lion resident taking refuge behind all of his stuff that was stacked into a rather ineffective barricade if Duncan was able to get in so easily.

The lion looked terrified for a moment before he relaxed and greeted his uninvited guest. Duncan's response was to punch him square in the muzzle, he wasn't surprised by the lion, he just hated his face the moment he saw him. "Ouch! Bro, this isn't the boxing ring! Save that for later. What are you doing here anyways?"

The lion nursed his bruised nose with a wet sniff, the snout was likely broken but that didn't really matter. "Sorry man, it got cold all of the sudden." The lion pulled out a bag of medicine, once again out of nowhere, and performed a sparkling backflip and his nose was back to it was, pre-punch. Ok what the fuck?

"I have no idea what you mean, it's 12/6/2020 bro." Completely ignoring the fact that he did a mother fucking backflip and the obvious skip in time. Even Duncan found this undeniably weird but shrugged this off for his sanity's sake. "So I'm looking for the may-"

Duncan blinked as he found himself flat on his ass outside, the door slammed behind him with the audible clicking of several locks being fastened. Well that was fast. Stupid lion wasted his time and kicked him out into the… oddly warm summer night time. He waited impatiently as he looked to the bottom left corner. "Any second now…." There! The clock finally slid up into existence allowing him to see that it was…. 3am?!

None of this bullshit made any sense at all! But at the end of the day it was still better than his last town… right?

Right.

Duncan decided to finally go and meet the mayor while grumbling to himself about the lack of wrist watches world wide. Finally he came to the home that must belong to the mayor. He just had to place his house in such an inconvenient place, not like he could place a third bridge in, noooo, he really made everyone have to walk around the whole damn island just to get to his admittedly large house.

To Duncan's surprise the lights in the house were actually on, despite the time. He knocked on the door twice and waited. After a minute he knocked a little louder. Then he pounded a fist on the door in annoyance. "Oh come on!"

Finally after ten minutes, if the weird, inconsistent floating clock was anything to go by, before he heard any sort of movement from inside the house. Steps echoed as someone walked down wooden stairs, slowly the door opened to reveal a thin tanned young man with pronounced dark circles under his eyes.

Ok, not creepy at all.

"Are you the hooker?" "Um, no?" And like that, the door was shut right in his face. Not knowing what else to do he pounded on the door again. This time the door was opened more quickly and Duncan was again greeted by the mayor who looked much more annoyed now. "I was here to get permission for a house plot?"

The mayor's eyebrow quirked as he leaned casually in the doorway. "Really now?" Do you happen to have a job?" Duncan shook his head but this only made the unnamed mayor smile. "Well I can't have you move in with no job, don't worry, I can fix that." He stood up and motioned for Duncan to come in.

Duncan, not seeing any problem of walking into a stranger's house, a stranger who was a confirmed psychopath and could be a serial killer, he saw no problems with this at all. You have to wonder how he's actually lived this long.

The mayor guided Duncan to a little side room, handed him a questionable outfit and told him to meet him in the basement. "Maybe this is a tradition for new residents?" As he held up some super kinky leather bondage gear. (And here is where the reader/writer would facepalm.)

Duncan pulled on the skin tight gear and proceeded to the dark basement. Since he couldn't find a light switch he just decided to walk further into the pitch black room. You'd think the thing to stop him would be walking into the wall on the other side of the room but no, Duncan was stopped about half way by tripping up some steps, there were only three of them so he went up those until he walked into a metal pole.

Bright multi colored lights flashed and rotated to the music that was suddenly blazing and thumping. He was momentarily stunned and saw the mayor sitting in a literal throne, a tilted crown on his head while being surrounded by massive sacks of money. "Dance for me slut!" He accented this by throwing a few bells onto the stage.

Welp. This was his new job now.

Naturally Duncan took to the pole like a XXX bar level stripper and worked that pole for the rest of the night. He never got around to getting that housing permit because Mal bought him and kept him in the basement for the rest of his life as his own personal dancer while several houses around the town were burnt to the ground and the mysterious clock that affected the time and weather was never fixed.


End file.
